The Precepts of the Mystic Order of the Golden Monkey


The following are the precepts of the Mystic Order of the Golden Monkey. Only by abiding by these laws may one be a true member of the Order. And if you follow them well, you too, like us, may one day have PREHENSILE TAILS!


#1) A member of the Mystic Order is slothful. A member does not take action until it is vital to the well-being of a monkey or his cash flow.

#2) A member of the Mystic Order is wrathful. A member seeks petty revenge against anyone wronging him or a monkey. If there is a dilemma in choosing between wrathfulness and slothfulness, choose to be wrathful.

#3) A member of the Mystic Order is Misanthropic. Members of the Order are infinitely superior to mere humans. We are allied with the simian race, and therefore powerful beyond belief.

#4) A member of the Mystic Order is greedy. Members of the Order are inherently more deserving of money than the masses. After all, "money" is just "monkey" without a K.

#5) A member of the Mystic Order is Mystical. Actually, a member need not be mystical, but make others think that he is. This will help the Order to rule the masses with fear.

#6) A member of the Mystic Order does not risk his life without need. A knight of the Order only takes up arms in wrath and in the defense of our simian brethren.


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